By Jeff Kenney
Journal, Part I:
-Friday evening: Writing from the Abbey of Gethsemani, my 3rd-floor room in the Retreat House. It’s a simple room (naturally) adorned with a few modern-looking paintings of Christ, Mary, etc., and a strangely modern crucifix. A small bed, desk, a few chairs, and a private bathroom with shower, which is nice. I had been told, when making my reservation, that to get in at all, I would have to accept a room in the monastery itself, as the Retreat House was full for this weekend. But to my surprise, here I am – I guess a bit disappointed in that. I wanted a peek into the monastery proper, and I had been told that there was no air conditioning there, only a fan in the room, which appealed to my sense of Christian asceticism, and I suppose my sense of authenticity!
I didn’t get here until 6 or 6:30 pm, but just in time for a talk for retreatants given by Father James, I believe, accompanied by a short video on Gethsemani.
Went into the church immediately after and we all were allowed into a kind of separated area at the back of the church. The monks filed into the middle of the church and began Compline, the evening chant, and last of the seven prayers of the Liturgy of the Hours, which consist mostly of the Psalms (which I’m told are completed by the monks in each two-week period). Booklets at the back of the church let us follow along (good for me, as I was clueless!). I only felt truly confused as to when to bow to the cross, something of which most of my fellow retreatents seemed well aware. (As I now know, bowing takes place during the first line of the Doxology, which is, “Praise the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, Now and Forever.” One may straighten up for the concluding line: “The God who was, is, and is to come, at the end of the Ages.” The Doxology opens each Liturgical “hour” (each lasts about 15 minutes, really), and is repeated between each Psalm.)
The chanting was, indeed, beautiful – was in English, not Latin as it once was, before Vatican II. It was, in fact, more beautiful than I had expected. That is, I’ve always found Gregorian chants beautiful, but only in a certain solemn kind of context. This was more…for lack of a better term, accessible. It was not so foreign to my musical aesthetics (perhaps it was structurally more modern?) as I’d expected. It was just pleasingly melodious and at times I thought it would have made a very pretty contemporary Christian song, The call-and-response form was nice, too – participatory for the retreatants as well.
This monastery seems very modern – much of it air-conditioned, sort of high-tech in places. The church was, too, but I could see the older-looking white brick walls, which undoubtedly have been around a while.
After the chanting, everyone filed past the Abbott to be sprinkled with holy water. I’m unfamiliar with all of that, but I think it all made sense, so I proceeded. I did, in fact, feel a strange sort of surge, a sort of change, when the water hit me. Was that just an emotional sort of thing, or a genuine spiritual effect?
Afterwards, we moved to a conference room beside the church for a talk by Father Matthew Kelty, who was a contemporary of Merton’s and is deservedly revered for his intellect, literary savvy, and wit. He read a series of quotes – everyone from Updike to Newman, and some quite moving poetry and prose, and got into the topic of forgiveness, confession, etc. A good thing for me to hear, not only pertinent to numerous personal situations, but also in terms of confession. I see more and more the value of it, and want to do it. Fr. Matthew, at one point, was describing a sort of ‘debate’ between himself and a woman, presumably non-Catholic. “’I don’t need to confess to a priest, I confess to God all the time.’ And I said, ‘Oh, you do, do you, honey? And what does He say?’ ‘Well, he doesn’t say anything.’ ‘I know!’”
That reminds me – got some good insight from a book a friend loaned me called, “Catholic for a Reason.” Can’t recall offhand who wrote the essay, but lots of good scripture references to Mary and good points in favor of at least very basic Marianism. I have less of a problem with it than I did, and somehow, reading that essay before breakfast this morning, I was really feeling a sense of spiritual peace with the idea of Mary…a sort of natural devotion to her (what a loaded phrase!), nothing forced at all, which surprised me! Gethsemani library is giving away copies of an audiocassette on the Rosary, so I grabbed one; looks interesting.
Speaking of which, my jaw dropped when I saw the audiocassette library! Besides tons of stuff from all kinds of Catholic and monastic people (wish they had something by Kelty!), they must have had all or most of the Thomas Merton tapes I’ve been looking for! My first inclination was to try and hatch some plan to dub a bunch of them! Frankly, if I’d had my dubbing deck and a bunch of blanks, I could have knocked most of them out over the course of the weekend! I even thought of driving to Radio Shack and buying a cable to connect two tape players together to dub some, but of course all that is pretty silly, and misses the point of my being here!
I did find some good contemplative books for myself and a friend (who is looking for something very practical, meat-and-bones applicable), which I’m going to write down in hopes of ordering off the internet or something:
“Finding the Mystic Within You” by Peggy Wilkinson. Great beginner’s book, I think perfect for my friend…practical, down-to-earth, modern. Incorporates not only general stuff on contemplation, but uses tons of material from St. Teresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross, so in the process synopsizes them as well. Gives different approaches to contemplative prayer, etc…looks good.
“Prayer of the Heart” by George A. Maloney, S.J. This is a very, very cool book I want to buy because it totally breaks down the history of mysticism / contemplation in Christianity, beginning with the Desert Fathers and moving right through Merton, but doing so in a very useful, lucid, modern way, chock full of quotes. Gets into Eastern Christianity (i.e. the Jesus Prayer), references the Philokalia, which I must also look for. This book is great! (Since delving deeper into it, I would revise the above by saying this book concentrates a great deal on how contemplative prayer, or hesychatic prayer, developed in the Eastern Orthodox tradition. It sheds more light on the Eastern Orthodox than anything else, but does a great job of reconstructing the history and philosophy (a little densely, where philosophy is concerned, at times) of Eastern Orthodox mysticism, how it is similar and different to more western forms of monasticism, and how it affected those who shaped all monasticism, such as Cassian).
“The Life Within: The Prayer of Union” by Dominic M. Hoffman, O.P. Hope this one’s still in print; it’s a 1966 hardcover with no ISBN number. “This is not a book for beginners,” is an early clue that it’s not the choice for my friend. But it’s very depthy (yet accessible), good, meaty stuff on contemplation, delving into problems of purification of senses, intellect, etc., and devoting a whole chapter to St. John of the Cross’s concept of the “dark night of the soul.” Whew!
Gotta do evening prayer and get to bed! Up around 7am for breakfast – it’s 10:30 pm now, which means the monks will be up in five hours for vigil – yikes!
-Saturday, 6:49am: Alarm just woke me so I can get up for breakfast and Terse (one of the Hours). Weird dreams, almost all about the monastery! …or really about my internal impressions, I guess, of the monastery. Always dark outside and in – very solemn! Hmmm…in one dream (my three-year-old daughter) Cecilia wanted a pet tiger, and got one at the zoo! Somehow it wound up in the monastery with us, and after a frightening series of efforts to eat me, befriended me. It would jump up and lick my face to show gratitude. The abbot here gave it some meat, and it leapt up and licked his face!
In another, my mother and I had gathered boxes of used books from her house to trade at a used bookstore, and somehow we took them to the Abbot’s office, as if he would buy them! I went to pick up one box to take somewhere, and it wasn’t ours, but instead belonged to the monastery – it was filled with the hymn books we used to use at the Baptist church I attended as a child…the first church I attended. Dreamed off and on through the night of having to get up early and go with the monks to chant. At 3:30 am, actually woke up – think I may have heard the bells ringing. Anyway, realized the monks would be chanting Vigils in 15 minutes and thought of going, but was too tired.
Last dream before awakening: somehow the Academy (Culver Military Academy, near which I live) was involved – the monks’ chapel was at CMA, and students in the choir went there to chant, too, as if it were part of a class! I woke in the morning (in my dream, that is) and was trying to play guitar in my bedroom, when I heard from a former CMA student and friend, that it was time to go hear the monks.
She was in a huge hurry and I just threw on a shirt and went with her to her car to drive – in the snow, even! – to the church to hear the monks chant. The bells were already ringing – as is my whole life, we were late, and then my alarm actually woke me!
-Saturday, 9:00 am: Forgot one dream from last night. Was outside the monastery, with the dreamlike reality that I LIVED there, somehow, when an old friend of mine…an acquaintance, really, a black friend from the days of high school…came up and said that somebody we both knew, though who I can’t recall, also black, had died. We both wept and I told him he should go talk to the Abbot.
Just came from a wonderful talk by Father James, the Retreat Master. A talk on prayer, which I never expected to be so good. Started out kind of basic, but quickly moved into mention that some insight can be gained from other traditions, and he told a Hindu story about all men once being gods, but abusing their Divine nature so badly that Brahma, the chief god, took away their divinity. He called the lower gods together and asked them where they should hide the divinity so that man could never find it. Of course, they all suggested mountains, oceans, under-ground, etc., until Brahma finally said that they should hide the divine nature deep within man himself, as he would never think to look there! And to this day, man climbs mountains and searches the ends of the earth for what we have within ourselves (reminds me, in spite of myself, of Shell Silverstein’s wonderful poem about the search for the perfect high!).
Father James went on to say that of course in Christianity, we CAN discover the divinity of God within us, but we often overlook it. He talked about “The Cloud of Unknowing” (the book), and the four steps of prayer it outlines: reading a scripture, concentrating on its meaning, praying to God about it, and finally contemplation itself.
Fr. James went into detail about contemplation, and finally got to the Desert Fathers’ prayer method: chanting “Almighty God, come to my assistance – Lord make haste to help me” (which is how Trappists open their prayer chants), and also the Eastern Orthodox “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, Have Mercy on Me, a Sinner.” He went into very practical detail, describing chanting (or speaking) the opening half of the sentence on inhale, and the closing on exhale (nothing entirely new to readers of “Franny and Zooey” and “The Way of a Pilgrim”) – wish my practical-minded friend were here! He talked about distractions, made an analogy of teenagers, upstairs playing rock music, which drew a chuckle and a smiling, “boooooo!” and thumbs-down from a good-natured guy amongst we retreatents – somewhat long-haired, 19-23 years old, undoubtedly a ‘rock’ fan! The monk laughed and later included listening to rock music among ways one might find it easy to pray, and he smiled at the kid behind me.
Anyway, lots was said, very good talk! I need to go now, though, and get my walk in to be back by noon for lunch and 12:30 for Sext (another chanted “hour”).
“Prayer consists not in thinking much, but in loving much.” --St. Teresa of Avila
One more book, the least of the books I gathered last night: “The other side of silence: a Guide to Christian Meditation” by Morton T. Kelsey. Pretty modern (1960’s or 70’s), useful mainly for the angle it presents – with which I wholeheartedly agree – of trying to inform readers, particularly those who have sought inner solace in Eastern meditation, that the Christian tradition is FULL of meditation and mysticism!
Go on to the Journal, Part II...