Through My Eyes: A Journal

By Liz Root

Contact Liz by emailing her at liz@vagrantcafe.com

Click here for weekly archives

10/6/2001
tomorrow i get to do one of my favorite things.
tomorrow i am going on a small road trip to see a show with some friends. these, my friends, are the times that makes this life worth something. yes, i know my life is going to be drastically different in just a few months, but for now...it's these escapes into the cities and towns tucked away in the middle of cornfields for some guitar sounds in whatever the venue may bring us, it's these downright goofy conversations over a plate of pancakes at whatever place is still open at midnight, it's these cds we choose to keep us awake on the three hour drive home. these are the adventures that make the memories which tie us together. in 24 hours, i'll have countless more stories to add to my 21st year of life, simply from one car ride east on I-80.

employment update: how about a timeline. monday: i call temp agency to inform them that i will need of three days this month from my current job as a title typist. the 11th, 12th, and the 23rd. the 11th and 12th b/c of a friend flying into town. i didn't mention the reason for the 23rd. (concert in KC that is extremely important to me personally). my focus was solely on the the 11th and 12th. temp agency is supposed to call the people at the title company to ask for the days off for me. it's their policy. they said they'd call me later that day. they didn't call. tuesday i called back and they still didn't know. Chris (supervisor at title company would be approving or disapproving the requested days off) hadn't returned the call. temp agency said they would call again and call me. didn't call. i called wednesday during lunch, which is when i had the big blowout conversation. see earlier blog from 10/3 for more details. temp agency said they would call. didn't call. (sense the trend) i called this afternoon during lunch. "hi this is monica." "hi, this is elisabeth." "hi elisabeth...i talked to chris, and we're going to have to have the 10th be your last day." "okay." "yeah...blah blah blah, not allowed more than 4 days off in the first 90 day probationary period, you'd be at 5 with these days, and they don't even let their permanent full time employees do that." "okay...well, thank you." I WIN!! you see, either way i was going to get these days off. and honestly, i was sick of putting up with all the stuff going on surrounding all of this. not to mention yesterday's incident when Chris came by my desk and asked if i was working, to which i said i would if there was in fact work available to do, to which she said something about seeing me talking and wondering if i was doing any work. to which i gave her an incredulous look as she walked away, threw my headphones across the table and mumbled something i shouldn't have under my breath. Hey Chris, how about you treat me like a 10 year old child? it would really make the end of my Thursday complete. *sigh* pardon my sarcasm.

anyway...you can tell i'm never going to be a journalist with these insanely long paragraphs with way too much information than anyone ever asked for. so, what now? now that i only have less than two months before my scheduled date to drive myself on outta here and back to the lovely southern land of south carolina? chances are i could work at Subway. laugh though you will, it's a job and it's money i need, and most importantly, it's only for a month and a half. honestly, working the food business might not be glamorous, but boy it's easy, and relatively fun.

jessie flies in on thursday. i am excited. a friend once asked what it is that excites me. i couldn't say much, but right now i could at least say that someone flying here to visit me is exciting. for so many reasons. she'll be here from thursday around 1 p.m. to monday morning around 9 a.m. plans? thursday i suppose we'll just meander around town. go eat at The Natural Kind Cafe. it's this restaurant i've been meaning to check out for awhile now. they sell a lot of vegetarian stuff that isn't dull and boring, as well as free range chicken. friday i think we'll go to lincoln for the day so she isn't stuck in one city her whole visit. plus it will give her a chance to sort of see some midwestern country side from the drive to lincoln from omaha. she's never been to the midwest. saturday we'll go to the art museum and just do some general hanging out...sunday more of the same i suppose. i met her at school last year and if anything, it will be nice to see a face from that part of my life again, and to know that i will soon enough be returning to that part of my life, at least partly. but really...it will be good just to see *her*.

just call me long winded.


- liz r. - 10/6/2001

10/3/2001
there's this song on one of my MorningStar tapes that is called "King's Kids". it's all instrumental and i honestly wish there were words in my language to describe what i feel when i hear this song. instead, i just do a lot of jumping around the room and recall the night when i first heard this song, and how somehow, between a freshly broken heart and severed dream, this song brought me some hope that God sees all, and that i wasn't alone. and it is my opinion that in these times of biggest loss, we are the most free. when it feels like we have died, we have the most opportunity to really let loose and just BE. you wouldn't know it was me to see the way i expressed that kind of freedom that is born out of brokenness.

in other completely unrelated and random news:
i may have to quit my job. i sort of had it out with my temp agency supervisor this afternoon. voices may not have been raised, but tensions certainly were. the shortened version - next week my future business partner and good friend is flying out to visit me for four days, two of which are work days. i am not working these days. temp agency says i might have to. temp agency can't understand why i don't want to work 9 hour days while friend is here. temp agency thinks it irresponsible of friend to jeapordize my employment. temp agency thinks working for 8/hr typing all the live-long day is some kind of crucial career choice for me. i said to temp agency that friend did not just pay 200 dollars to get on an airplane (a rather bold and brave move for anyone right now) so i can work half of her visit. so i in the end, the understanding is that should my days off be unapproved, i will terminate my employment through the temp agency. yeehaw! it's been an especially confrontational couple of weeks for me it seems. at any rate, i'm very excited for my friend's visit, job or no job. i can always get another one.

i think i may be falling in love with conan o'brien. okay, not him...his show. could there be anything funnier on television? perhaps i'm way behind, but this is really the first time i've been consistently able to watch the show, and let me tell you i look forward to it every night. maybe it's bad of me to love dry cutting sarcasm so much. i don't know...i just think at this point in my life, i really need to have things to laugh about and it's shows like his that help that much needed seratonin kick in. so if you've never watched conan, i highly encourage you to do so.

an update on my teeth or lack thereof: the holes seem to be healing up nicely. however, i am the worst medicine taker ever and am almost ready to give up on this penicillin prescription. i've missed a few doses in the past few days, but i'll finish it up anyway. solid foods are re-entering the diet slowly but surely.

all right. enough.




- liz r. - 10/3/2001

9/30/2001
I am a dancer. You wouldn't know it to look at me. I don't have those dancer type muscles, that dance like grace, and well, it's a rare person who will actually see me dance. Still, I am a dancer. I've never taken lessons, and so my dancing is sloppy and awkward, but when it's just me and the music and my bedroom, nobody sees all that. My arms to glide, my legs and feet move all around, and it's about as close as I get to knowing what it must be like to fly. I danced fully clothed, but trust me, I never get more naked. Would you believe me if I said I've never slow danced with anyone? You probably wouldn't, but I assure you, it's the truth.

Still, I am a dancer. I can't run a mile, but I can dance for hours. A guy gets out his unspeakables through a few chords on a guitar, and my unspeakables are thrusted into the air around me as I move about the room, as the sweat collects on my temples, as my calves become tight. When I was nine years old, I remember convincing myself I knew ballet, and so I invited my mom into my room downstairs so I could put on a short performance. Dance expresses what I cannot say. Dance is who I am when no one is looking.


- liz r. - 9/30/2001


please stop trying to prove yourself. please.

let it be enough to just be who you are instead of projecting this image of strength and assurance when really, you don't know what the heck is going on in your life.

you don't have anything to prove, so let's stop pretending. let's stop caring what people we could care less about think about us. i mean...isn't that pretty much the basis of life these days?

people have replaced getting to know one another for proving oneself to another, and we're so dull to it we don't even notice it's what we're doing.

cuz ya know what? i'd really really like to get to know you, but i can't. b/c it's people so bent on proving themselves that are the most insecure with themselves. people with the most words have the least to say.

let the Lord be my defense. let my life be my proof. let my words be few.



- liz r. - 9/30/2001