Through My Eyes: A Journal

By Liz Root

Contact Liz by emailing her at liz@vagrantcafe.com

Click here for weekly archives

2/8/2002
sometimes you go through a whole lot of stuff very quickly and you get behind yourself without being able to catch up. sometimes that person is me. sometimes i sound really stupid. (like now.)

i just had a *really* random memory of sitting on a swingset a little over two and a half years ago, telling a good friend of mine what was so great about some internet guy i'd never met, yadda yadda yadda. i was 18, almost 19. sheesh. i don't know why i remembered that.

i want to say more, but i have nothing and everything to say.






- liz r. - 2/8/2002

2/6/2002
funny how i can go from thinking about eternity and what not, to thinking about nothing. but that's normal. in efforts to remain consistent, i keep posting these things, interesting or not, because i think it gives a more accurate view of who i really am.

so. today i woke up to the sound of rain gently hitting the roof above my bedroom in the loft apartment i share with jessie out in the woods above the garage. i then ate grape nuts cereal, turned my new ben folds cd way up, and left the bathroom door open while i took a shower so i could sing along. then i did productive and responsible things like returning my library books and mailing some letters and bills. and then i decided a good way to spend the rest of the afernoon would be to sit around and play on the internet and then watch a movie. (hunt for red october.) i ate a bunch of oreos, too. because i like oreos. tonight i'm going to a leadership meeting at church. and there you have my day.

now don't you feel enriched? (i'm dumb.)


- liz r. - 2/6/2002

2/5/2002
i wrote a song last night. no music, because i don't know how to write music. yet. but i wrote a song for whenever i learn how to write music. it was strange to see words on paper and know that someday they will be sung.

there is a lot of talk about eternity in the bible. and i don't think it means what we think it means. i don't think eternity means forever. i don't think the word forever means anything. because once we're to the other side, forever will be obsolete and eternity will kick in. about once a month, the concept of forever hits me as i'm trying to fall asleep. i start to shake and panic, because frankly...forever is scary. who really wants to live forever? or to experience endless passage of time? nobody. i don't care how great it is...forever is a long damn time. and so i don't think i believe in forever. but i believe in eternity. and i am convinced that eternity doesn't mean what i think it means. somewhere in the new testament (i'll find it later) it says that eternity has been set in the hearts of men. and then in isaiah, it says, "For thus says the High and Lofty One Who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: "I dwell in the high and holy place, With him who has a contrite and humble spirit, To revive the spirit of the humble, And to revive the heart of the contrite ones." (57:15) some versions say "lives forever" instead of "inhabits eternity." eternity is so much different forever. so what is eternity? i have no idea. but i've seen glimpses. we get glimpses of it. those times when we wish more than anything we could stay in the moment. those road trips with friends where you laughed until you couldn't breathe, that water fight at the river when you were 13, the talks you have with good friends until 3 a.m., etc. we all have those moments. we say "i wish it could have lasted forever." but nothing lasts forever. not even eternity. because eternity isn't forever. it's eternity. forever doesn't exist. and this is what helps me sleep at night.


- liz r. - 2/5/2002

2/4/2002
this weekend was fabulous. i use the word fabulous like i'm someone special enough to use it. whatever.

i've been thinking about a lot of things lately which i don't feel i'm supposed to share specifically...yet. it seems while trying to exist as a follower of Jesus Christ in this world, there will always be people who want you to choose sides. to one side, you'll be "soft on sin" and to the other you'll be appearing "holier than thou." so i try to find some kind of middle ground that doesn't exist. there is no right, middle, or left. i'm following a person, not some kind of system of belief. i don't have everything nailed down. and i don't yet i'm not using it as an excuse to behave however i want.

....why are we killing each other?

how did we get so far from where we should be?

off topic: thanks mom.


- liz r. - 2/4/2002