Through My Eyes: A Journal

By Liz Root

Contact Liz by emailing her at liz@vagrantcafe.com

Click here for weekly archives

3/8/2002
i may have mentioned this before, but i have telephone phobia. the internet was the best thing that happened to me because it made telephone use in my life diminish to almost nothing. however, a part of my job is making about 10 phone calls each friday to remind people about stuff, and it's extremely difficult for me. i hate calling people i don't know. i'm only saying this b/c it's friday. thankfully i've made my calls today. phew.

i know a good portion of the country is seeing pretty grim weather right now, but i have to tell you that it's about as gorgeous as it gets here in south carolina. it's beautiful today. mid 70's, clear skies. i'm not the kind of person who is only happy when it's sunny, but it's been kind of cold and dreary lately, so this is a very welcome change.

so i watched my very first episode of Survivor last night. man, people are stupid. some people are so hung up on proving themselves that they forget they're playing a game to win a million dollars. yeah, they have to work as a team and survive out there in the middle of nowhere, but still. i mean, if anything, you'd think an environment like that would be a perfect place to just get over yourself and be nice. maybe i'm just a nobody, but i think i know what it takes to win that game. Be strong, be agreeable, be sincere, and do your share of the work. still, i know i'd never survive at that show. not with that junk they make you eat. no thanks.

i really wish i had more important things to say now that i can't post as often.

in a way, it seems like i've stepped out of that place that i was a month ago with God, and yet in a way, i know i'm still there. it might not look like it did a month ago, but well, who wants the same thing every day anyway? even with God it would be boring. i'm learning tons of stuff through reading the Bible. i know it sounds like the good little christian thing to do..reading the bible. but well, i'm realizing that it really is awesome, and that i'm no less capable of getting revelation from it than any pastor or minister. i have grown up listening to world class ministers and they've always got these awesome messages and are able to get stuff out of the bible that i've never thought was possible. and now that i've actually began to read it with the mindset that maybe God has more in it for me than just information...he's been faithful to show me stuff as well. it's pretty amazing actually. so anyway, if you have a bible, read it. do some research on what you read, and i promise you will see things you never saw before.



- liz r. - 3/8/2002

3/6/2002
sorry i haven't been updating as much as usual. blogger (the program i use to write these) has been on the fritz lately and quite unpredictable. also, i don't have as much internet access as i once did. so i just thought i would let you know.

changes are coming. to me. not to this journal. big changes. i'm excited.


- liz r. - 3/6/2002

3/4/2002
i will try to express what is going on with me without being too specific, or too vague. i want it to make sense, but there are also some things i don't need to put out there for the whole potential world to see.

it's about letting go. there's been a situation in my life that has taken a lot of letting go. many times i'd come to a point where i really felt i'd "let it all go for good this time." only to find the situation right in front of my face again a few weeks later. so i'd entertain it for awhile, find ways to make it work, holding onto the hope that someday i could have what i wanted again. then i'd face reality and realize that there was no possible way. and let go again. this process has been repeating itself for about 2 years. and although maybe i'm just on another point in the circle, i feel like last night i may have had some significant breakthrough. in a conversation with my best friend, where i explained all the reasons why i should be allowed to hang onto this just a little longer, holding out for the impossible, she said, "Liz, i think you just need to let go." and i did. and i did. when she said it, it was the first time anyone besides my inner voice had told me to let go of it, and i knew her words were truth. they were painful, but true. as soon as she said those words, something took place inside of me. a different kind of hope was restored. a hope for something better than what i was hanging onto. a hope that things really can get better than what i once had.

you see, it has affected the entire course of my life. seriously. i would not be where i am, sitting where i am, living where i am, driving what i am, friends who i am friends with, if not for the situation. and my life has been affected in such a positive way that it was hard not to let go. a point came where i had to make a distinction that while yes my life was positively affected, i can't use it as a reason to hang onto this anymore. and there is freedom i've not felt before. to know i'm allowed to move on to bigger and better things. to be thankful for what i had, but not to live in the past anymore. i'm loosening my grip.


- liz r. - 3/4/2002