Through My Eyes: A Journal

By Liz Root

Contact Liz by emailing her at liz@vagrantcafe.com

Click here for weekly archives

4/6/2002
it's a fine saturday morning. today's events: work on coffee shop, buy used cds from manifest discs, babysit. woo-ha.

i'm flying home in a little over a month. two week visit. i'm looking forward to it. there's a lot of places at home i miss, mostly certain restaurants and coffee shops and such.

i'm boring today. sorry.


- liz r. - 4/6/2002

4/3/2002
it seems most of the things i try to say end with "oh, i can't explain it." i'm tired of having to use language as the only way to get across all the craziness going on inside of me. i wish i played an instrument or something.

faith: what is it? i've been taught about it so many times, that it's all a big blur, and i don't know what it means. i just know i'm supposed to have it. and that i don't.

healing: see above.

i would really like to get away somewhere, just for a couple of days. but i know a change of geographical location really doesn't help us as much as we think it will. especially when we're relying on it for some kind of psychological or spiritual change.

maybe what i'm really trying to say is that I need God.




- liz r. - 4/3/2002

4/1/2002
happy april fools day.

i think i may have come to one of those weeks where i don't really feel like i have much to say. but still i write. yesterday was easter sunday. it was the most non-easter sunday i think i've ever experienced. i didn't dress up for church. unless you call a black t-shirt, blue jeans, and yellow diesel shoes dressing up. i sat through most of the surface peeling the polish off my fingernails. it may have appeared that i was disinterested, but i wasn't. i really didn't want to be around people, to tell the truth. i would really have liked to have just gotten up and walked out and gone home to spend that time alone.

often when i don't feel like writing is when i'm thinking about the most stuff. friendships, singleness, lonliness, dreams and goals, purpose, places i'd like to live, my relationship with God, etc. i was reading this book last night, and the author included a quote by some guy whose name i can't remember, and it really spoke to me. i can't remember it word for word, but it was saying that we should stop worrying about what we can contribute to the world, and instead focus on becoming alive, because what the world really needs is people who have come alive. am i alive? am i even on the way to coming alive?

in the same book, the author was talking about how when God shows us what we're to do, when he reveals our dreams and desires to us...we get so caught up in the "how", and that's why most of us never begin. faith is risk, we should leave the "how" up to God and keep our focus on the "what." it's so incredibly difficult for me to even start truly believing that. how does one live by faith, and at the same time not sit around just waiting for God to drop opportunities in his lap?

situation left unsaid: i will not let go until i see no reason to hang on. i just hate getting my hopes up only to be let down.


- liz r. - 4/1/2002