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Through My Eyes: A Journal
By Liz Root
Contact Liz by emailing her at liz@vagrantcafe.com
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5/7/2002
today was a morning where i knew if i let myself, i could have just slept all day. or at least just laid on the couch all day staring up at the ceiling and not thinking about anything. you see, i think for the past few months or so, i've been dealing with depression. not full-on depression or anything...but just that blanket that seems to rest on me every few days or so. don't get me wrong, i still go out and do things and have fun and stuff, but it's like there's always something gnawing, ya know? so i choose my distractions...ways to fill up the time so i forget that i have problems. i'm sure this is normal, in fact, it's my guess that's why we have coffee shops and movie theaters and restaurants and bookstores, and well...basically most forms of entertainment. entertainment helps us focus on something else besides our own issues. and i think this is a good thing. after sept. 11th, the only thing i could watch on tv was late night talk shows. no news, nothing...just comedy. and i still watch late night shows...it's a good way to end the day for me.
yesterday i came to some pretty big conclusions about the present stage of my life. i think i'm being shown that it's good to let go of the things that are hardest to let go of. which right now for me is home. my family is moving, and although my friends still live in the same town, even they aren't the same anymore, and neither am i. i guess i realized that the direction of my life has finally changed permanently. and that i finally prefer the life i have now over the one i had at home. and i think this frees me up a lot to pursue what God has for me now instead of any past i might have held onto.
- liz r.
- 5/7/2002
5/5/2002
yesterday i walked around charlotte. i had on a pretty killer outfit (don't worry, i was fully clothed from head to toe as it was only about 60 degrees outside) and caught more than a couple of people noticing me. it was strange though...because you see i had on this outfit that might lead someone to believe i had some kind of important job somewhere, or that i had money, or that i only associated with a certain type of person. i'd see someone wearing something similar to what i'd usually wear if i wasn't dressed up and think, "they have no idea that i never dress like this." but you can't please everyone. there is no outfit that i can wear to impress and identify with everyone. goodness gracious i'm shallow. but let's face it. we determine who people are by the way they dress.
i've been realizing lately that i pride myself a lot in my tough-girl image. in the fact that i rarely cry or get too emotional about anything. i'm curious to see who i'd be if i just let that go. if i'd just express happiness when i'm happy. sadness when i'm sad. anger when i'm angry. all i do is suppress. and i feel like it could be the ruin of me.
- liz r.
- 5/5/2002
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